


smile of the first-magnitude star

by takamina



Category: South Park
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Alternating, POV Second Person, aka that sad song series you're welcome, idol!tweek, mention of other characters, sarishinohara au, the idol rules are kinda bs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-18 13:19:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13100985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takamina/pseuds/takamina
Summary: fame and fortune was great and all, but the reality isn't as fun as you'd think.(idol au, where tweek is a star, and craig is left behind)





	smile of the first-magnitude star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a normal, boring boy who looks to the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for someone who hates angst, i sure seem to be writing it a lot these days.
> 
> i know south park is in america but we were all talking about idols in the creek discord and i thought 'hey don't idols have it rough in japan', and then this monster kicked me in the face.
> 
> based on the sarishinohara vocaloid series, which i totally recommend you listen to!
> 
> edit: deleted a ooc line i made. oh jesus.

With every second passing by, your confidence is fading as you stand among a sea of (mostly) adolescent girls.

You'd prepared for it, you really did. countless summers of thankless jobs, the blood and the sweat you shed as you toiled, tucking away paycheck after paycheck. All for this one moment, when the mail finally arrived and a slip of paper was clutched in your sun-tanned hands.

(Token had offered to buy it for you, hell even Clyde had been willing to chip in for his best friend. But you shook your head and turned them down. It didn't feel right if you took what felt to be a lazy way out, when he was working so hard to remain where he is. It's only fair that you do the same, you figured)

Tricia helped you pack for the trip, laughing as you checked and double-checked and triple-checked your rucksack. In the end, she'd tossed out half of what you'd packed initially, and you only realized it when you checked into your hotel. Asshole.

(She'd joked that for once, you were acting like 'a certain coffee lover we all know and love', but cut herself short when she realized how quiet you'd gone. She was a brat, but even she knew where the boundaries lay. And you'd made quite a few of them as of late.)

And now you're here. In a stadium in Denver that you've only seen in livestreams, surrounded by screaming girls looking like they're about to faint any second.

(It's almost funny, how different you were from them, apart from the obvious. You hadn't given much thought about your attire, and had settled with your usual outfit, along with your well-worn chullo. You look at your fellow fans, dressed head to toe in official (probably, hopefully) merchandise, brandishing bracelets, phone straps and all the like (...was that a body pillow? Oh god). 

At that moment, you realize that you truly were playing the role of a disgruntled brother accompanying his non-existent sister. Maybe you should've brought Tricia after all.

But you knew she’d turn it down. She understood why you came, after all)

\--

(In a way, it's silly, really. Most people assume Craig Tucker to be someone with more 'mature' tastes. Even the 80's pop that you used to blare on as a kid would've caused less fanfare than the pop that now fills your phone's playlist. 

You've gotten your fair share of teasing, "haha who knew Craig Tucker was into idol songs", but it's never said with malice. They couldn't bring themselves to do it. Not when they saw the faraway look you had when you listened to every new song.)

\--

As you wait for the performance to start, you stare at the ticket in your left hand, turning it over to read it for only the tenth time that night. The words are clear, printed across the cheap (probably not) paper, the name you've devoted to memory.

**[ADMIT ONE: VEGA - HOMECOMING TOUR, FRONT ROW]**

Homecoming. It's the first concert being held in Denver ever since Vega debuted months ago. Before that, you had to rely on live streams and recordings, scouring the internet for his albums, merchandise, whatever you could get without looking too much like a creep. 

(Your wallet and sleep schedule really hated you for that. But it’d was worth it every time)

And now he's here. Back to his roots, the announcement had said on the website, to thank the people who watched him grow into what he was today.

Idly, you wonder how Vega must be feeling, if he held any fondness for the quiet mountain town that was once his stage. If he still remembers the faces that watched him as he passed by, murmuring about how he'd never amount to anything special. After all, South Park bred failure, it seemed, no one seemed to truly stand out once they got out, and they didn't think the kids would turn out any different.

How wrong they were.

(Briefly, you wonder if he’d remember you, before pushing that out of your mind. He probably didn’t.)

Your grip tightens around the sunflower, ever so slightly. It had been a spur-of-the-moment purchase, as you walked along the streets of Denver. You don’t remember the place or the price you paid for it, only the fleeting thought of how much the yellow blooms reminded you of him.

(The lady at the ticket counter had given you an odd look when you handed her your ticket.

“Is that for your date, handsome?” She’d chirped, you’d shaken your head, and it’d only fueled her curiosity.

“Huh! If it’s not for your girlfriend, who else can you give it to?”

You didn’t respond, and just kept walking ahead, glancing at the adjacent signboard a little longer than you’d like.)

\--

Your train of thought is cut off when the lights suddenly dim, and immediately you hear chanting, green and yellow light sticks glowing bright in the darkness.

They’re all waiting for the star of the show, chanting his name like a holy mantra. You even catch yourself murmuring along with the crowd, as the countdown begins. 

5\. 4. 3. 2. 1.

A single spotlight, shining down on a young man. 

And for the first time in two years, as screams grow louder, you finally see Tweek Tweak again in the flesh.

\--

On stage, Vega is radiating. 

Together with his performance attire, wild blonde hair shining brightly under the spotlights enough to rival pure gold, he looked stunning. 

You swallow dryly when you notice the dusting of bronze powder brushed across his eyelids, twinkling faintly under the lights. The tassel of star charms dangling from his belt, clinking together with every movement. 

You’re certain you’ve never seen a sight so beautiful in your entire life.

And judging from the squeals around you, everyone else thought so too. The crowd goes wild, with every move Vega made, every word he said, every line he sang. 

He’d captivated them all, with a smile and a bow, bringing them all down to their knees.

And really, you were no exception. But then, even without the glitz and the glamor of fame, you know you would’ve done whatever for him anyway.

After all, he’d had your heart the moment you were ten, staring at each other in a dusty attic.

...And with that realization, you plummet down back to Earth, as a familiar sinking feeling rises.

You clutch the sunflower to your chest, afraid of losing it among the crowd screaming his name.

It’s not the first time you’ve seen him perform. But every time feels like it is. Even two years after his debut, he still manages to surprise you, and show you a sight you’ve never seen before.

Each time, he makes you fall a little more, a little deeper, into something you know you’ll regret.

But really, you knew you were hopeless. No matter what, you knew, deep in your heart.

That you loved Tweek Tweak, the boy among the stars, the center of your universe.

And you’ll never be able to have him.

No one ever said it anymore, but you knew. 

Idols are meant to be shared by all. To shine, they must remain pure, hiding away their dirty past, and forget it all in the shadows. To move forward to the light, to stardom.

Unfortunately, that meant you, too.

\--

Eventually, the concert gradually arrives to its end. A bunch of people faint at some point, and you’re fairly sure the young lady behind you is about to burst into tears any second, her emotional blubbering reaching your ears.

(On any other day, you would’ve told her to be quiet, but then again, you saw what she saw, and frankly, you can’t really blame her for being in the presence of the literal sun, bias taken)

“Thank you so much for being here! You’ve all been great!”

Vega takes a bow, grinning with adrenaline as he stands straight. His face shines with sweat but he make even that look good. You swallow thickly as you stare right at him, unspoken words resting on the tip of your tongue.

(You want to call out to him, but you can’t. Not now, not ever. There’s no way he’d hear you anyway, so there’s no point in hoping)

“But before we say goodbye, I’d like to sing one more song.”

The crowd gasps as you raise an eyebrow, surprised. As far as you know, you’ve never seen him do that himself. Usually the crowd had to call for an encore.

(Honestly, you figured that he’d do it either way, but this was breaking protocol, the routine you’ve familiarized yourself with.)

“This song...this is the first time I’ve sang it in public. But it means a lot to me, and for you, I hope you understand it too.”

What?

The crowd murmurs briefly, but it’s broken off with more cheers as the band begins to play Vega’s encore. The star remains on the stage, eyes closed as the lights go out, a single spotlight on him. 

_“The first meteor shower of the century is almost at hand”,  
A familiar phrase I’ve heard being sung by the newscaster._

Around you, the cheering only grows louder, captivated by Vega’s every move, every word he said, every line he sang. 

_“It’s not every year?” I unexpectedly recalled,  
How I laughed together with you, gazing at the night sky_

But you remain frozen, overwhelmed by the music surrounding you.

_That kind of ordinary, daily life,  
I’m sure it meant everything to me._

Vega had said that the song was new. Yet you feel a sense of familiarity, as though you’d heard it long before anyone else did. A hazy memory you couldn’t discern.

That is, until it hits you.

You did hear this before. Instead of a stadium, or your room, it was in a semi-dusty attic that’d been hastily cleaned. Not a symphony of a band, but a old piano and the smell of coffee, as a voice hummed soft. Granite scratching against paper as you’d bounced your leg up and down, followed by laughter.

_Beyond the sun, and beyond the universe,  
The words I couldn’t tell you, they’re still here._

Your chest clenches painfully as you clutch the sunflower closer to you, afraid of losing it among the sea of people shouting Vega’s name. You didn’t think of all the things that he would ever remember in his life…

That he would remember this. 

The first and last song you both wrote before everything changed.

Before you let the boy you loved go. 

It’s too late, at this point. Tweek has come so far from the boy you once knew, trembling and nervous (but wonderful nonetheless), and you’d remained stationary, leading your boring life back at South Park, a mountain town with no future. The gap between you both was too great to overcome, and by the time you realized it, you’re certain you’ve vanish from his sight, too.

Even if you were to stand in front of him, you’re certain you’d remain invisible. He had the crowd to entertain, it was his job and his passion and there was no way you could take that from him. 

For someone like you, who lead a boring life, you’d blend into the sea of faceless people, until nothing remained.

You smile bitterly to yourself. Perhaps it had been a mistake, being here. You shake your head, and look up to the stage again…

...only to find bright blue eyes staring right back.

(After all, you never expected Tweek to notice you at all.)

_I addressed this monologue without a destination_  
_To be taken in by the night’s wind,_  
_For it to one day reach you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song tweek sings for his encore is called astro lost by amatsuki. i like to think that tweek began to write songs involving the stars and sky, as a way to remain close to craig. 
> 
> fun fact! vega is often associated with another star named altair. in japanese folklore, they represent the celestial weaver orihime and farmer hikoboshi, who were star-crossed lovers separated by the milky way, permitted to only meet once a year during tanabata. :^)


End file.
